Burn out is real and happens all the time to all different types of people walking all the different walks of life.
Sometimes it happens and then stops - but often it has a cyclical pattern to it and starts -stops and then starts back up again throughout the weeks/months.
We have all experienced it – in some form or fashion - but we may not have ever named it before – so naming it may be scary for some.
But there is SO much power in being able to identify what burn out looks like for you (looks different for everyone), how to identify it in your body and mind, how to prevent it in the future and how to have in the moment compassion for yourself.
Honestly the name “burn out” is quite terrifying – so I hear y’all who are like burn out? What - no. I have it all together…I have never been burnt out. I just am stressed from time to time because “life is stressful” and “this is just what life with a job and 2 kids looks like” and “I just get depressed sometimes”.
Sure – all that may be true. I am not here to tell you that life isn’t stressful – but a lot of the above sayings are also things that do not leave room for us to explore how our bodies and minds are holding stressful life events and digesting its daily happenings.
Burn out happens when so much is built up inside us with little to no awareness of what it is, where it belongs and what to do with it that we loose connection with the knowing that we are capable of slowing down, going in with the hard stuff and coming out on the other end.
Before going much further - lets start with a definition.
What is burn out?
Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress. It occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. (https://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/burnout-prevention-and-recovery.htm).
For some it looks like a time in our day or week or year or life that you were super stressed, irritable, exhausted, unhappy, confused on the next steps, unsure, etc. Maybe it lasted a day but likely it lasted longer.
What can lead to burn out?
WORK
- Unclear job duties and expectations
- High pressure / high expectation environment
- Overly demanding job duties
- Doing work that is not challenging enough for you
- No – to very little recognition for the good work you are doing
- No control over your work
- Information overload
- Insufficient time off
LIFE
- Not getting enough sleep
- Difficulty asking for help from others
- Taking on too many responsibilities without help from others
- Lack of supportive relationships and help
- Family and caregiving stress
- Not socializing and relaxing enough and working too much
PERSONALITY
- Expectations to always be the high achiever
- Perfectionistic tendencies
- Type A personality traits
- Fearful
- Pessimistic view of the world
Reframe how we think about it…
When we say “I am so burnt out” - what does that even mean? Coming from the understanding that we are not just one core personality and we all wear several different hats and are made up of lots of different parts - it may be helpful to slow down and ask “who inside me is burnt out”?
We so commonly refer to ourselves as just one collective thing and that makes it difficult to name burn out and know what to do with it because it is very unlikely that YOU are burnt out -it is much more common for the organizer you to be exhausted the perfectionist you to be stressed and never catching a break the compartmentalizer you to be overwhelmed, etc.
Very commonly some of the core parts of ourselves that lead our lives are exhausted and just can’t anymore. They need a break but do not know how to take one or are so scared that if they stop doing what they do best everything else will crumble.
So let us slow down the process and figure out what our bodies and minds are telling us to see who inside is bunt out and needs some help.
How it looks IRL
PHYSICAL
- Feeling tired all the time
- Lots of headaches
- Lowered immunity
- Change in your typical eating patterns
- Fatigue
- Muscle tension
EMOTIONAL
- Lots of self-doubt
- Helplessness
- Feeling alone in the world
- Little to no motivation
- Cynical outlooks
- Negative attitude
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Numbness
- Compassion fatigue
- Lowered satisfaction when you accomplish something
BEHAVORIAL
- Pulling away from your responsibilities
- Using substances to cope
- Taking out your frustrations on innocent others/things
- Skipping work
- Depersonalization of others
- Lack of creativity
- Procrastination
- Forgetfulness
- Isolation
How to notice the symptoms coming on to prevent it from getting too severe…
Knowing how you and your body hold onto and show stress is going to be very helpful in being able to prevent future burn out breakdowns. If you ignore these signs that your body and mind are sending you – you will eventually hit the burn out phase because the systems inside just can’t anymore.
Even though a lot of us have all sorts of thoughts and past experiences to back up the “just push through it” stage - continuing to just push through the exhaustion (or whatever other symptom(s) is there) and keeping as is will cause further emotional and physical damage to you.
We have got to pause – slow down – see what’s going on – listen to it – ask for help – maintain and repeat.
PAUSE
Literally might mean stop what you are doing and just pause.
SLOW DOWN
Maybe even close your eyes for a few moments and focus on your breathe. Coming in and out of your body. Not trying to change it but just noticing if it is rapid, or slow, or coming from your mouth or nose or up in your chest or down in your belly. Taking note of this automatic process and just being with it.
SEE WHAT’S GOING ON
Notice what is going on in your mind and body. Certain thoughts popping up? Sometimes people get to this stage and notice thoughts popping up that are FREAKING OUT about having their eyes closed or have taken a break in the first place and immediately exit this space and get back to whatever they were doing before. That is okay. THAT GIVES US A LOT OF DATA! Shows us that it is literally so scary to the internal system to pause just for a bit - what I would get most curious about (and maybe with a trained mental health professional) is what is the underlying belief or fear behind that? What is it so concerned will happen if we press pause and slow down and explore.
Maybe you check in with your body and notice that your chest is feeling really tight and almost like an elephant is sitting on it. So just notice that - maybe even bring your hand to you chest and see what its like to focus your attention on that sensation.
LISTEN
When focusing on that specific body sensation or thought - just listen. What else is going on in your mind and body? Do certain things like this sensation? Hate it? Want it to go away? Curious about it? Just take note of all the other thoughts and feelings coming online and be there with them with no expectations or pressure to do anything.
ASK FOR HELP
Dependent on whats going on in your head and body and how comfortable it is for you to have awareness and approach yourself with non judgement - it may be best to start some of this process with a trained mental wellness professional. These individuals are trained to walk by their clients in these ways and assist them in separating from these thoughts, feelings and sensations in order to gain perspective and learn about them.
Burnout doesn't have to just happen to us – it can happen to part of us maybe we have some thing inside of us that is a big doer and planner and preventative thinker and that thing has just been working really really hard nonstop 24 seven for the past 29 years… It's bound to get burn out if we don't get curious about it and help it.
The issue sometimes as we don't know how to help or we don't have the awareness that the doer is so tapped out because we are just too close to it all. It takes slowing down and asking for help to be able to see the doer as one of the many parts of our internal system that keeps us going. So of course we don't want to get rid of the doer but we want the doer to know that there are other parts of the system that can help it out when it's exhausted.
We just have to know and believe that it's OK to be tired it's OK to take a break its OK to ask for help.
Written by Shannon Gonter , LPCC
I specialize in working with individuals aged 18-35. Some presenting concerns that I most commonly work with are stress, relationship issues, difficulty saying “no” to others, difficulties recognizing emotions and emotionally connecting to others, anger, and intimacy issues, among others. I am trained to help you become more aware of your emotional responses to these challenges and help you recognize problematic relational patterns and new ways to cope. This awareness will create new opportunities for learning more adaptive ways of relating to others and coping with life’s stressors.
The information and resources contained on this website are for informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any medical and/or mental health disease or condition. The use of this website does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. Furthermore, the information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough medical and/or mental health evaluation by an appropriately credentialed and licensed professional.